Jun 28, 2011

I Have A Question


Do all these random bloggers really have the perfect life that they say they do?

I mean really. 

No harm meant here, but, I keep running into blogs where girls keep trying to convince others that all they eat is ice cream, jelly bellies and marshmallows all day...and still manage to weigh 100 lbs.

Don't even get me started about the girls that constantly gush over how perfect their husband is, how he surprises them every single day with little gifts and how he's just been dying to write a love letter on the blog to express his undying love to the blogging community (show me a husband that wants to write a blog and I will sprout wings and fly home).

All I can say is that it stinks....more like it WREAKS of  constructing a perfect world for everyone else to see.

So I want to be real.
Because I'm tired of this portrayal of perfection. It's NOT healthy and most of all it's not real.

So here's what's real for me:
1. Me and Matt are really in love with each other.....but we also really know how to piss each other off.
2. I like to indulge in desserts every once in a while....but I watch what I eat and work out in order to stay healthy.
3. Marriage is the most rewarding thing I've ever been a part of....but it can also be very challenging at times.
4. Me and Matt really love to have nights where we can shower each other with gifts, love and surprises....but it's a rare occasion and most nights we just cook dinner and spend our nights at home doing homework.
5. I wish I could say that I just live off of the fat of the land and spend my days dreaming of lollipops....but  I'm a full time student, a part time worker, a sister, a friend and most importantly a wife, so I'm hecka busy.
6. I love my life and I love it real, flaws, frustrations and learning included

That's what's real for me.
What's real for you?

50 comments :

  1. AMEN! I love those blogs and read them frequently, but it isnt' real life all the time. I get that blogs are just a little snippit of what people experience, and most people don't blog about the negative things in their lives, but I agree with you that it creates a skewed sense of reality. I really hate that sometimes after reading them I feel completely inadequate.

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  2. well said girl! I follow a ton of blogs and it seems like they are all rainbows and lollipops all the time and I'm not buying it one bit. Bring on the real bloggers. you go girl!

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  3. the perfection portrayed in blogs is often depressing for me. i know it's usually not real life but i too often let it get to me. it makes me wish for things i don't have. instead i need to remind myself that blogs to not properly portray the way people live their lives. nobody in blogland has the perfect husband, perfect job, perfect writing skills, perfect photography skills, and perfect wardrobe. they just choose to share the good and hide the bad. i'm glad there are a few blogs out there that show it as is. the good AND not so good. and i'm glad i'm not the only one who feels this way.

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  4. This is awesome! i noticed this a couple months ago. At first it was all nice and now it makes me want to puke. I was actually just thinking of writing about the stuff going on in my life.

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  5. Thank You. I like to read those blogs but i feel the same way sometimes. I mean I don't really blame them. I really only like to blog about the happy times. But it is refreshing to read about people over coming hard times/frustrations/whatever.

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  6. I had a similar thought today, as I was posting that I didn't like my outfit, sitting in an apartment full of hand-me-down furniture that needs tidying, and blogging to distract me from the cold-feet I'm facing with 10 days to go until my wedding. And as weird as it sounds, I'm glad you know how to piss off your husband. A friend of mine once told me: "I know she's the girl for me because we never fight" and I thought that was the saddest thing I had ever heard, as it meant he was either lying to me, or they were lying to each other.

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  7. I second that AMEN! I found myself being sad a few times my life wasn't nearly that perfect- and then I remembered something someone once told me: everybody poops. Yup, I said it. Hopefully, you don't think I'm some sort of freak now, but I feel like certain people in the blogosphere have a need to have each post be a perfectly concocted press release, complete with spin doctoring. Good for you for standing up and being real!

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  8. I totally agree--there are things I wish I could blog about but I fear I'll be totally judged (based on all the happy, perfect blogs) that I'm wasting my life or that I deserve better...it's just too scary for me to talk about the things that really effect my mood and mental well-being right now. Everytime I start a post I want to write about the demons in our marriage (we love each other to death and are best friends but we have our battles) but I think I would receive such negative comments or worse, pity. Maybe it's just me being judgemental of myself.

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  9. I know exactly what you mean! It drives me nuts, but I have to admit whenever I am having a hard time, struggling, or depressed about something I get lots of negative feedback from my family. Or my family and friends think something is seriously wrong because I post about having a bad day. So, I kinda understand how our blog life probably looks a lot prettier than it actually is. I still post the good and bad, but I censor the bad A LOT (and not because I'm tryin to come off as a perfect person!!).

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  10. that's what I'm saying! my life is pretty dang average. which is fine by me. we never shower each other with gifts. heck, we don't even shower!!! ahhahaha. PS: love this post. as mentioned, i don't even read certain blogs cuz they make me feel like i live in loserville. party of one. :(

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  11. I agree with you. Most people's blogs do present a skewed view of their lives. Sometimes I look at blogs and I'm thinking.. "this person has 3,000 followers..? WHY?" BUT it is their blog and they have a right to post what they want. I like when people are real, but if people tend to use their blog like their BFF or sister (I mean- you can't put your WHOLE life on the internet, it's okay to be vulnerable, but I don't want to read about how you miss your husband every single day, or something like that) it gets difficult to read. The truth is, I have enough problems in my *own* life, I don't want to be bombarded with everyone elses. That being said- I do agree with you that it's important to be REAL. I really hate that lovey-dovey crap. I wouldn't even want a BF who bought me something 24*7 - that's not how you show me you love me. AND I'm sick of everyone going on about Red Velvet cupcakes. They aren't even that good, people! HAHA :)

    Thanks for being real,
    Brittni @ With Love From Michigan

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  12. I foresee you'll get TONS of comments on this post! I think most everyone feels the way you do. I've come accross quite a few posts lately talking about this exact thing! And truly, it's something that needs to stop. Good for you for "keeping it real"

    :)

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  13. I think it's a natural thing for people to attempt to represent their lives in the best light possible. Also, I think a lot of people have a problem of expressing the less peachy aspects of life in a clever way like what you just did here, without sounding like they are complaining. I've battled with people telling me my life is too picture perfect in blog form, that I never post ugly photos, that i live such a charmed life. Sure, I'd rather blog about a sweet moment B and I had than a feud we just got over. But the reality is we have good days and bad ones everyone does. I usually represent the bad in a more symbolic way, I'm not about to open my personal journal to the world completely. The flashy good is rare. for me, reality is this:

    http://allthebellesandwhistles.blogspot.com/2011/06/home.html

    although we have down days, we try and focus on the good. the love. the high points. but also learning to live and love the imperfections. and I think that attitude is the overall making of a charmed life.

    thanks for your sweet words
    xo
    Claire

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  14. Well put! My closet doesn't look like something out of Vogue. My dresser doesn't overflow with expensive jewelry and makeup. And I don't spend my days going to the coolest little places noshing on gourmet pastries and lattes. Just another version of the fake lives magazines try to make us believe we should be living. Apparently, we didn't feel enough pressure from that and so now we have elevated bloggers to super blogger status. When does it just stop? ~Serene

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  15. i read the part "me and matt really love to have nights where we can shower each other..." too quickly and laughed a hearty loud laugh. ha ha but in all honesty this is real to me:

    1. ben and i have only been watching bond movies lately, and do nothing else.

    2. i'm unemployed.

    3. today was the first day i showered...in a few days...

    4. i'm too lazy to cook.

    5. life is good.

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  16. This is so true.
    1. We spend most Saturday nights cooking a one pot dinner and eating it on the couch while watching Swamp People.
    2. I have approximately zero budget for pretty clothes and minus zero time to iron them.
    3. My hair does not get washed daily. Or every other day. Or every other other day sometimes. When it gets bad, I just pull out the teasing comb and the hairspray.
    love,
    Ramsey

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  17. I agree.

    1. I don't talk about my siblings because I don't want to go into family problems and have them judged by people that don't understand foster care.
    2. Our apartment didn't have heating this winter even though we paid $700 a month in rent ...in Utah (for their mortgage and direct TV basically). When my landlord sits next to me in church I want to barf.
    3. I have submitted over 50+ teaching applications and ...I am in a tech support job.

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  18. you're the best. it is so crazy how quickly we get sucked into crazy techy worlds that let us be whoever we want, show whatever side of ourselves and talk to who we want, when we want. scary.

    it is so crazy because it is also such a cool thing to talk to/get inspired by soooooo many people from all over the world, but you totally have to be careful that you don't start using it as a comparison of your life. not good. be confident in who you are- look to others for inspiration, not affirmation!

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  19. I am so glad someone has finally brought this up! It can be so stressful sometimes reading these "perfect" blogs because they make you start thinking about your own life. At the start of the year I was off work for a whole month and i managed to smash out a heap of projects on the blog. People kept telling me I was so productive and all this but I told them I am unemployed that is why I am getting so much done I am not superwoman. I think sometimes we just need to keep it real. I try to post a mix on my blog. I don't want to be a negative nancy but I think it helps people to realise I am a real person and I have a real life full of ups and downs.

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  20. i hear ya. my husband would never write a blog post. let alone a love note one. haha! so glad im not the only one that feels this way!

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  21. And this is why you're my hero. Ha. I love and agree with everyone's comments. Yeah, I don't understand how married couples can be so" lovey dovey ALL. THE. TIME." It honestly can get me down sometimes when I read about husbands who surprise 'em with little gifts and notes, on blogs and even on facebook statuses. It makes me question my relationship with my husband. Which I shouldn't! I'm happy with how things are. I totally do understand not wanting to show your bad side, but sometimes it just comes off as being materialistic, "Lookit all ma new clothes!" (I suppose I might be guilty of that.)
    Here's one: Ryan and I spend too much time on the internet, being in the same room, without talking for hours at a time.

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  22. amen sister!!! there are soo many blogs put there where everything is happy pappy in lolli lolli land&they ride unicorns&poop rainbows...it's a perfection overload! they censor put the bad, but I think "the bad" really adds realism :) we're all human!! heeey! :) I like this post! it's like a wake up call :)

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  23. Touche girl! Life is all about the happy times, excitement drama, and challenges. I would HATE my life if everything was perfect fine and dandy! I wish more blogs would tell it like it is. I want to see the good, bad and ugly. That is what empowers readers. Real life. Thanks for bringing this up!

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  24. Thanks for sharing! I too sometimes feel not as "perfect" as some of the blog writers that I read about.

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  25. Thanks for posting this- such a good reminder that I don't have to compare myself to what seems like other people's perfect lives. Ya, I'll admit my life is far from perfect. I think I don't post much of that on my creative blog (more on my personal blog for friends and family) because I'm not sure people out there care to read my woes or maybe I'm afraid it might bore them. So thanks for the reminder. I like read about real people!

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  26. You go girl! Way to keep it real! This is soo true.
    I find the same problem on facebook... some people want their lives to seem perfect to the outside world. But I know it's really just a facade and I never compare my life or relationships or (or even hair) to them.

    I am also a full time grad student, part time worker and full time wife. Life can get crazy busy, but I love all of it. Ups and downs!

    For the hubs and I, a romantic evening is often as simple as a stroll around the neighborhood and takeout. Fancy, huh?
    And my husband won't even comment on my blog, let alone write a love letter as a post! ;)

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  27. That's why I LOVE your blog.. so honest!! Of course they DON'T! who has the perfect life anyways? Not even the royal family has..
    Well even though my blog isn't about my real life (just outfits), I wouldn't liked to be perceived like Barbie and Ken having this endless summer love full of material things and pink convertible cars with the perfect sister. That's just bs..

    Finally someone who step it out and said something! Good! :)

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  28. Oh gosh, I think this may have been the worst time for me to answer this question.

    I'm usually pretty good at staying positive despite a lot of life crap, but what's real for me right now is that I'm divorced, it's my own fault, I kind of hate myself a little bit, I feel sad every time my daughter doesn't understand why mommy and daddy don't live together anymore, I hate that I have no social life and just work and come home, my work environment isn't the healthiest, I'm living with my parents right now and I feel like a failure at pretty much everything.

    Whew! I hate whining. I hate it when all people do is whine. The bright side is that I have a place to live. My daughter is the light of my life and I adore her. I have a job. I have people that love me. So I'm trying to focus on those things, but hey, since you asked...

    And by the way, I agree with you that it's hard to read blogs where everything is "love and stuff" every day. I like the real ones. I like you. :)

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  29. Maybe sometimes we tend to talk a lot about the good and the positive because it's a way to escape all the bad that's in our lives..For some out there, this is a chance for them to escape what's going on around them...An outlet if you will...Something they actually have control over...
    For me, I think I keep things pretty balanced, but I have to admit, sometimes I start to vent on things that are upsetting but end up turning it around and end on a happy, enjoyable note {Not always, but most}. If we focus too much on the bad things going on around us and the upsetting things that anger us, we forget how much we really are blessed and how truly beautiful is the life that surrounds us. The good and the happy aren't always a bad thing...But I do agree, sometimes it's nice to see people in a more rare and vulnerable form. A chance to see people as relatable and relevant.
    I'm glad you are able to be honest about life and that's why I enjoy following your blog. You do keep things balanced and I appreciate it.

    H.

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  30. emergency oral surgery the first week of june, one year anniversary of the death of my father in law the next week, sinus infection the next week and now it is the end of june and i haven't posted because "real life" has taken over....so hear you on this lovely post!

    even though i am not opposed to "keeping it real" on the blog, i haven't even had the energy to take a photo!

    aleisha
    cutefatandshort.blogspot.com

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  31. Oh my gosh I was just talking about this with one of my friends today! She started reading less blogs because it just makes her feel worse about herself because blogs seem to be like a "who has the most perfect life?" competition. And it's so annoying sometimes! I like those blogs sometimes, but no one's life is perfect and i think people would love to see that every once in a while. So THANK YOU for posting this! I love reading your blog because it's so funny but it is so very real. Thanks :)

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  32. I completely agree with you!
    I think life is great because of all its good and bad things, happy and sad moments, it all makes ME love life ...

    http://urbanprettygirl.blogspot.com/

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  33. I agree with this more than you could ever know! I am like trying to get married... I read all these dumb blogs and I am like "Oh my gosh. We FIGHT too much. NO ONE ELSE DOES" panic panic panic. Then it is like... oh wait. THIS ISN'T REAL.

    Thank you for proving this. :)
    Also. Super lovely to meet you in real life.

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  34. Thank you for this!!
    Some people seem overly perfect, and it's good to know that not everyone is like that, or try to be like that!

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  35. Yay! I love this post. Thank you for being real & letting your readers know we're not the only ones whose lives aren't shellacked to perfection like many blogs portray. The really good moments/things/times are rare & all the more savored because of it. In between lots of imperfection happens & why should we not share that too?! Sing it! :)

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  36. Its nice every once in a while to hear about struggles or challenges in peoples lives, thanks for keeping it real! Whats real for me, is that I have a lot of body issues but I blog anyways about other things because it helps me feel better.

    P.S. You have super duper tailoring skills!

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  37. couldn't agree more. I've been thinking lately about how I need to reflect the challenges (my) Matt and I face.

    He hardly ever surprises me with little gifts, and while I'm completely in love with him-- I realize no one wants to hear how perfect I think he is in every post. Also, he really doesn't care about my blog that much-- so I really am wondering where all these men come from that care enough to write a love letter too?

    I think a lot of people write about what they think other people want to hear and it's somewhat become a competition.

    As for dissing on the girls who eat whatever they want and weight 100 lbs. They really do exist. I guess I've been lucky with asian genes and high metabolism, but I know that while I look thin I know my body is very unhealthy because I am not eating right or exercising.

    I wish I could dream of lollipops too, but like you I work and go to school and have a house to keep up.

    I'm glad you wrote about the REAL you.

    refreshing

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  38. I get in fights with my family members. Not shouting or anything but definitely hurt feelings.
    I eat too much sugar and it shows in my skin. I hate exercising and am just starting to work my way up to consistently doing 20 minutes in the morning. If I don't sit up straight and suck in my gut, I like I have a mild case of the preggers. I haven't been single this long in my life. Sometimes it's awesome, sometimes it sucks.

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  39. jumping on the bandwagon here - LOVE you for bringing it up. There are a few blogs I follow where i'm like, "i want that life! that life is my perfect life and my perfect job!" and i guarantee you its not the way it seems. great topic :)

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  40. YES. YES. YES!!! I've unsubscribed from all of those blogs. We all know who they are, too. Also, how the heck do those bloggers have 60 million followers just by sneezing? I'm not jealous. Promise.

    Here's what's real for me:

    1. I never do the dishes
    2. I make dinner *maybe* once a week
    3. I make the bed about every other day (a big improvement from years past!)
    4. I've cleaned the floors about twice in our 5 years of marriage. Chris does that.
    5. I'm on anti-depressants to keep me sane; otherwise there's a whole heck of a lot of swearing & yelling at our house.
    6. I have a fabulous husband, even though he never buys me flowers or takes me on impromptu dates. He does write the best love notes when I ask him to. I'm not above asking for them.

    On another note, I love that there's this cry for realism in the fashion/crafty/lifestyle blogging scene. Maxwell (of Apartment Therapy) said that the era of Martha Stewart perfection is gone. Readers want what's real. I agree.

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  41. Here's to embracing the imperfections! I will say that since reading blogs and keeping my own, usually upbeat blog, my overall attitude, beyond the virtual world, has become more positive. So from that perspective, I appreciate the focus on only the fun/happy things in life, because I think that it can slowly trickle from the computer screen to real life.

    That being said, some of my more "real" posts (like about my breakup, or when I got mugged) have gotten some of the most beautiful responses, which I really valued during those difficult times. I think it's good to balance between keeping it upbeat but being honest when you're dealing with crap. The blog ladies are a supportive bunch!

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  42. Thank you for this - I totally agree, and actually I read an article recently that said studies show how social media actually makes us more insecure, because everyone else seems that much more perfect.

    For me, I generally talk about sunny or humorous things (with the exception of a few depression/anxiety posts) because my blog is pretty public, easy for my family to find, etc...and I don't want anything I write to shoot me in the foot. I tend to be over-cautious with it, and I don't think I make my life look unrealistically happy, but I'm sure it's not totally a reflection of me at all times.

    Thanks for your thoughts on this :)

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  43. Thanks for the realness. It definitely gets frustrating sometimes. I wonder a lot about how people can afford everything while they are stay at home moms, etc.

    It's good to hear the real side of things sometimes :)

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  44. I totally know what you mean! This is why I've made a special in my mind designation between THOSE fashion blogs and the ones I prefer - "fashion blogs with substance".

    xoxo
    Stacey Kay
    “Runway Inspiration, Vintage Decoration”
    Goodwill Huntingg: Comment on my latest post!
    Cleveland Free Press: Goodwill Huntingg Shopping Guides
    Who wore it best? Blue Collar Catwalk vs God’s Favorite Shoe
    My Vintage Handbag Line

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  45. Looooove this. Love love love. & I couldn't agree more.
    Off to explore more of your blog!
    <3 leigh

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  46. Hey lady! I found you through a link on the honeypie archives, and it looks like you wrote something that really resonated with people. Thanks for being honest and open--it's refreshing (and beautiful).

    I do believe marriage is hard work and I've written about how hard it can be because I believe that's a part of the truth. For father's day, I posted about my dad's death because that was also a part of my reality. We all have unique stories, and I love when I stumble across something real and raw--there's community in the imperfection.

    Thanks for keeping it real, chica!
    -K

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  47. I loved the realness of this post and I definitely have felt the same when reading certain blogs.

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  48. Check out my blog, I really do live a perfect life ;) You know I'm kidding. Keepin' it real: I haven't brushed Brynn's hair in a week. And maybe not mine either..

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  49. I haven't came on your blog in forever, so I'm catching up on all your post. Very sorry about my comment lacking!! :( This one just hit me really hard I agree with everyone's comments. Life has good, bad and ugly times sometimes seeing people write about rainbows is a little annoying. That's why I keep my post light and straight to the point.

    Love this post and would suggest it to every blogger I know!!

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  50. HA! I totally agree. (Jessie-girl sent me your blog's way.)

    I'm actually quite horrible and make fun of those blogs. Or try to avoid them because all that sugar makes me sick!

    Reality is:
    1. I indulge too much in foods I love... and it shows.
    2. I think single life was WAY easier than being married... but I would be devastated to lose my husband.
    3. I cannot sew or do those things people label as "crafting"... and the use of that word as a verb bugs me.
    4. I like to have fun and am not interested in hard things - like boring work, tough school, or the daunting task of motherhood. But I realize that's life.

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