Feb 27, 2012

My Thoughts on My Place In Life

I've been short on words lately. And you all know by now that that is just not me. And I think it's because I really haven't been able to talk about what's been weighing on me. So here's me pouring out my soul, to you. Please be kind and gentle with my heart will you. So let's go back to where it all started shall we. August.

A Fact about August: In August I started to get a little itchy.

You know the need for a change itchy. I wasn't really sure what the itch was though. I just needed something. That's when me and Sir Matt decided to get our little Indie. She was just the cutest you know. Fluffy and cuddly and just never stops loving you. Oh Indie brought so much to our little family of two. Indie filled a little hole in my heart, she really did.

A Fact about Indie: While she is just what I needed, and perfect for our family. I still felt itchy.

Fall went by and I needed something. It was like I was always thirsty and I could have a tiny drink from a water fountain but never a big honkin' gulp from a glass of water. But until I knew what this strange feeling was I really couldn't do anything about it. Could I?

Along came December. 

A Fact about December: December scared the crap out of me.

I knew that my time at school was coming to an end. I thought multiple times about delaying graduation because I felt so terrified about leaving...about going into the real world. Even though I couldn't shake my fear I started applying for jobs. After no replies and promising interviews left undone I decided to leave it alone and enjoy my Christmas Break.

A Fact: I was at my Grandma's house,  neck high in a bunch of patterns and vintage fabric when I got the call. 

My grandma had taken me down to her old sewing room and was showing me all of her sewing treasures. Moments like these are always my favorite. Me and my grandma just sat there, with vintage patterns scattered all over the floor, she started telling me stories about the kinds of things she used to make. 

A Fact About Me and My Grandma: I found out that day that me and my Grandma are a lot alike. We love to create. To create beauty from nothing. To feel like there are never any limits. To feel like the world is ours for the taking. Yes, I felt close to my Grandma that day.

As we sat there talking about sewing techniques and all of our favorite things to make my phone rang. And I knew exactly who it was. I'd been called and told that I'd gotten the job that I thought I had absolutely no shot at in the world. I ran up the stairs and jumped into Matt's arms. I was so happy. I didn't need to feel scared of what was coming next. My family came in the room to congratulate me and hug me and as I was filling my excitement with hugs there that itch was, as itchy as ever. And the dryness in my throat sunk deep into the back of my neck. Something still just wasn't right.

I'm telling you all this because it took me seven freaking months of thinking and thinking until my little noodle couldn't think anymore, until I finally figured out what this itchiness is all about. 

Facts about why I was so dang itchy all the time: 1. I got Indie because I really needed something to love and to nurture. 2. I was so afraid to be done with school because I knew that a big change was coming, and I had no clue what that change was. 3. In my sewing class I was assigned to make a little girls dress and when I took the dress home I hid in my room and cried a little bit because I knew that there was no little girl at home to give it to. 4. I treat Indie like a baby, because I want a baby. 5. Holy crap it's so weird to say that, I want to have a baby. 6. I'm ready to be a mom.

This is a huge thing you guys. I've never felt like this before, or at least known that I feel like this. But here's the catch.

A Catch About Why My Itchiness Just Can't Be Scratched Yet: While me and my Sir Matt are just so excited, we just aren't ready....yet. Our lives just aren't anywhere near to where we need to be in order feel ready to take that exciting next step. Matt will be in school for at the very least another year and a half. AT LEAST. Somebody needs to bring home the bacon if you know what I'm saying. And Matt having the very best opportunities through school is our number one priority right now. Thus leaving me as, the bacon bringer home-er.

A Fact About Where This All Leaves Me: This is why I've felt so weighed down lately. So drained. I'm so excited to be a mom, so excited to start a family, AND I JUST CAN'T...for right now. I feel stuck. Motionless. Like I'm swimming in drying glue. And I've come to a conclusion. It's always been a struggle for me to feel completely happy and in the moment. I love to look forward to what's coming next. But in order for me to be truly happy through this agonizing waiting time, I need to learn to be happy with where I'm at. Happy with where my life is right now. And to be honest, I feel like this is my last big lesson to learn before I can really be ready to be a mom. And dangit I'm going to learn this lesson if it's the last thing I do! So here's me telling you that I need a little bit  of help and adivce. I still allow myself to feel excited, to think of what being a mom will be like. But at the same time I just need to relax, and take every day as it comes. And love every minute that me and my Sir Matt have together. 

So yes. I suppose those are the facts. And this is me saying that today I'm very happy with where I'm at in life. And I'll take on tomorrow when it comes.

55 comments :

  1. how exciting for you! i have always felt that i wanted to be a mom, but i have never felt ready. financially, emotionally, etc. i can't wait to be in the place where it can all happen, and happen well.

    i'm glad that you shared this with us! and that you're taking your time and you're happy! that's the best!

    happy monday!

    drop by allister bee soon!

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  2. I love this post--it's so honest and I could tell you really thought about all of this thoroughly. I'm sure that when that time comes you'll be a kick ass mom & your daughter/son will be wearing the cutest clothes too.

    Judy
    SecondGlimpses.blogspot.com

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  3. Thanks for being so honest!

    I too, am a dreamer, constantly looking towards what's next? My husband and I are wanting children but we aren't ready yet either.
    Here's what I do, everyday to keep myself here, content in the moment.
    I wake up every morning and write down 3 things that I'm grateful for. Sometimes they are really small things and sometimes they are really big thing but always 3. Then I ask the Lord what he wants my day to look like? Yesterday I felt like he was saying "listen, really listen to people's stories today and just allow people to feel heard".

    I hope this will help you, know that you are not alone.

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  4. As a mom of three, I have to tell you that I've never felt ready to have a baby. I think you sometimes have to jump in, and just trust that the Lord will take care of you.

    My relationship with my husband was actually strengthened with children. We have more jokes; more joy together. We laugh a lot and when they kids go to bed, we take advantage of every moment together alone. We are completely in love.

    That being said, my husband and I waited about three years before having our first. I felt that was the perfect amount of time for us. I think they waiting period needed is different for everyone.

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  5. There's never a right time! But it sounds like you two are being sensible, which I am always a fan of :) And the time will fly - think about how fast the last year-and-a-half has gone. Sir Matt will have graduated in no time, and for now, you have your blog to remind you of how nice things are in the here and now x

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  6. PS: your grandma sounds awesome :)

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  7. I have the exact same problem: waiting for the next thing and not being happy in the moment. I find the thing that really helps me gain perspective is knowing that Heavenly Father's timing is way better than my timing. In my head I think I know best, when really he does. I'm sure you have already done this, but a couple acts that really help me are reading my patriarchal blessing and going to the temple. They really do help. I know I sound like a broken record, but it's true. :) You're an amazing person Sarah, and Heavenly Father has some incredible things lined up for you! Just be patient and it will come when it's right.

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  8. I just wanted to tell you that it is possible to have a baby while your husband is in school. I had my little girl two days after I graduated from BYU and my husband is in Grad school for the next two years and I'm a stay at home mom. It's AMAZING to see how things just work out. We are debt free and expecting our second, and He still has another year of school left! It is scary at times to think how are we going to make it, but looking back we always have and we always will. I don't want to sound preachy, but don't wait because of finances, school, living situation. You will be amazed at the blessings you will receive for not waiting. That being said, it's a completely personal decision. Just thought I would share my story with you.

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  9. You just need to do what feels right! If you are feeling itchy (or prompted), listen to the promptings. Everything will work out. There's never a right time because something will always come up in life. Just be prayerful and the Lord will work out the rest!

    Congrats on your job and your exciting feelings! I never thought the day would come that I would actually want to have a child, but when it hits, it hits like a ton of bricks. It's awesome.

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  10. I feel like I was pretty much in the but didn't know where I was I was graduating, but didn't know where I was going. I didn't have a job and was so worried about getting one. It was scary to graduate without knowing anything. I also wanted to be pregnant but wasn't. I ended up finding a great job I loved. After learning lots of patience and working hard at my job, we got pregnant. Looking back, I would tell myself to enjoy and relish the time with my husband. Life was great even though we were a family of two.

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  11. Great post-thanks for sharing! Your time will come enjoy your time as just the two of you though you will miss it one day!

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  12. Anonymous: That i think is where I'm having the hardest time. I don't know if it's an act and have faith you I'll be provided for, or if I need to wait until I know that we can financially make ends meet. I'd love to know how you separated the two and made that decision.

    Elise: I love the idea of writing down three things each day. I have so much to be grateful for and don't take the time to think about it sometimes. Thanks for the suggestion!

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  13. Sarah this is so touching. Thank you for sharing so much intimate details about your life with us. I don't know Indie, but what I do know is that she is just adorable and loved so much by her parents. And if you can love a little fluff ball like this, you can be trusted with a baby (that's how I gauge these things). I also know that you have a tight family, which is optimally important when you have your own. And it is an absolute necessity to instill into a child. The time you spent with your Grandmother really touched me. I don't have my grandmothers anymore and I regret everyday that I did not take the time to learn their wonderful talents like sewing and crocheting and such. I am glad that you are grateful for what you have. For me, though, you might never be fully ready to have a baby. I mean, even if everything was "in order", you can never be fully ready. I say this because I have three little ones and they are the loves of my life. But for a majority of their lives, I was a single mother. This is not what I wanted or planned, but it happened. And you know what? We made it. And I love them so much. And I know that when you do feel ready and when you and Matt are blessed with a baby, it will be the right time even if it isn't (does that even make sense???). Best of luck to you Sarah, always and thanks again for sharing. I hope you continue to feel blessed and stay positive.

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  14. it will come soon enough. i'm happy for you :)

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  15. In response to yours and anonymous's comments (I'm butting into this convo):
    You decided to wait to have a baby right? That's the decision you made and now you are on that path. SO, if that is the wrong path and the time is right to have a baby now, you will know. If you made the right decision, the itch will be gone and you will feel at peace. That's usually how the Lord works. He wants US to make the decisions and take the first steps. :) I hope that helps...

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  16. This is exactly how we were! We got married at 21 when I had 1 year and my hubs had 3 years left of school. All the girls in my university ward had babies or were preggo and that only made it worse. The best things I found were to offer to babysit...all young parents love free babysitting and I loves uninterrupted baby time. The other was to really sink myself into my job. Enjoy the adult time, the feeling productive, and knowing that I was building skills that I will always have. We got preggo a whopping 2.5 weeks after hubs graduated, but it was the best decision. It gave us time to settle in back at home in LA, for hubs to get going at his new job, for me to teach one more year, and the most important we found....good health insurance! The time will come, as hard as that seems now, and you will be so grateful that you waited until u felt it was right.

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  17. Gentri, that helps a ton actually. Your completely right. I've made the decision and that is what the Lord requires. For me to think about it and act. I think if I've made the wrong decision it won't take long to realize that I'm wrong. It's funny how easily these things are forgotten when your in the moment huh:)

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  18. Arent you so sweet. I'd like to share a bit of my heart with you if you dont mind. I know exactly how you are feeling. I am going to be a mommy soon and my husband and i are THRILLED. But before i got pregnant, i was feeling the same way. We just werent ready but i knew it was something that we had coming and every time i thought about it, we knew it was the right thing. Ready or not, here we come. We were just going to trust in the lord and let things happen. well about 2 months after I found out I was pregnant, I was fired from my job. I was the primary bring-home-the-bacon(ator) I couldnt believe the stress i felt. How were we ever going to afford everything this little one will need? My heart was already so full of love and it killed me that i wasnt going to be able to provide everything possible for her right away. my husband and i really struggled with the idea but we again turned to our heavenly father and were assured that everything will be alright. I found another job (that i love) and even though i am only making a fraction of what i was before, miraculously-it has been enough. sure, we gotta be a little bit smarter with our money, but i KNOW that we have been blessed because of our faith. I know that it may sound stressful and you may think you arent ready for a baby, but i KNOW that you will be blessed for bringing a little precious babe into the world. somehow things just work itself out. So dont be afraid of not being 'ready'. technically, i dont believe you can EVER be 'ready' but the decision is between you, your sweet hubby and the lord and I promise you wont ever regret decisions made for the right reasons. Good luck with everything! I love your blog. I think you are the sweetest thing ever and know you will be an AMAZING mom someday! :)

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  19. Pray. And pray. And pray some more. You'll never know if it's just an itch of if it's the Lord telling you it's time until you ask sincerely. And I'll mirror the other commenters in saying that you'll never be fully ready to have a baby. My daughter was a honeymoon surprise and I feel blessed every single day to have her and am so glad she decided to come when she wanted to. Things work out. The Lord will always provide a way when it comes to kids.

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  20. i loved this. it is so different from what you usually post, but it's so honest and truthful and YOU.

    i'll be praying for you. the 'itch' is a contagious one. i've been watching my friends get married and have adorable babies, and i'm getting ready to head off to graduate school...

    sometimes, i just want a husband and a house and little ones to fill it up, but i know that i must wait and be still.

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  21. We found out we were pregnant with Maeli the day that we moved to Utah. Neither of us had jobs and Clay didn't start at BYU for another 8 months. We actually HAD Maeli on Clay's 6th day of college. Crazy. We had no money and had to ask for a lot of help from our parents and our Bishop for a few months until we could get back on our feet. It was probably the hardest time in our marriage. We actually did 2 paper routes for 6 months to help pay our bills. Waking up at 3 AM every single morning and taking a newborn along because we had no other choice. Clay got a part-time job on campus which he has had for the past 3 years. I don't regret a single part of it. I was ready to be a mom and we, being the naive people we were, didn't think about the sensible side. We did what we had to in order for things to work. It was a great lesson for us and strengthened our marriage.

    That said, now we have two kids and Clay is still in school for 2 more months. I don't know how, but everything has always worked out. If you feel ready, God will give you a baby when he knows is the best time for you. I know that sounds silly but it's true. When we started trying to have our 2nd it took us 8 months before we got pregnant. And looking back God gave us our son exactly when would be the perfect time for us and when He knew everything would be worked out.

    Make it a matter of prayer, fasting, and temple-going for you and Matt. You will get your answers and some peace :) Good luck Sarah!

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  22. I completely understand this post - though I guess I'm several many years behind you and actually really ready for that next big step. Until then though, I am doting my our furbaby a lot with extra heaping amounts of love. To the point I think we need another furbaby so the one we have doesn't suffocate in my loving. Glad you can share all this with us and hope we can support you as needed!

    xx Vivian @ http://diamondsandtulle.blogspot.com

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  23. I really appreciate how open you are with this post. I know what you mean about an "itch", except I know I have one, and I know I want to have kids some day, but I don't know if the itch is to have kids right now. I'm getting more and more eager about it, but I'm also just trying to enjoy the time I have now with my hubby, since the newlywed stage won't be around forever. I don't know if that helps at all, but I'm sure that when the time comes, you guys will be ready : ) I think you two would make such fun parents!

    Jenn

    passengerseatperspectives.blogspot.com

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  24. This is just such a powerful and raw post. It can be really hard to continue blogging in a happy-happy way when you are really struggling with something. Thankyou so much for sharing this- it must have been hard. I mean, I'm 17 years old and I am in no position to have children or even think about having children, but yet I was so touched by this post. It reminded me about contentment and striving to enjoy what you have now. I'm sure that one day you will be an absolutely awesome and amazing mum and that God will bless you and Matt with beautiful children. Until then I hope that you are content with where you are now.

    Say x
    eighteenthofmay.blogspot.com

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  25. I know exactly what you mean... A few months ago.. we bought a house... 2 months after that we got a puppy... And now it’s almost of something doesn't feel right... Like something is missing...I know what it is... but I haven't quite voiced it allowed yet... I am afraid too... I don't know if I am ready for that. Financially especially... I am horrible at saving money… I just get excited and what to buy the world for everyone I love… But I know this sounds silly, but you are like a role model… You seem to have everything together. In a way I kind of look up to you… I wish you the best of luck… I hope someday I can get everything figured out and be financially and emotionally stable so I can take that step too… ^_^

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  26. Firstly, I want to tell you I think you're inspiring and I love your blog to death - it makes my heart smile.
    I just graduated in December and FULLY, WHOLE HEARTEDLY, understand that feeling - I love school, always have. I was/ am good at school. The idea of not being in school was absolutely terrifying, especially because that last month or so becomes the "What are you doing next?" question month. My answer: I have no idea!!! The same month I graduated, I quite my job to help my family with stuff and I crashed - multiple meltdowns, lots of tears, lots of rejection, my funds dwindling away, and the overwhelming feeling of failure and disappointment. After all of that and a couple of months of stalking business oppurtunity pages I found a job. A weight had been lifted for sure, but not entirely. I know what it is though, I want to move...that's a good ways away though and I know that. The idea of a goal or want being out of reach even if for the moment is heart-breaking, especially if you're a go getter/ do-it-yourselfer/ sky is the limit type! Sometimes it's easy to get lost in the what's-to-come part of life and the now part gets pushed to side a bit. I like to look at moving, more than as something I can't have now, as something I will have or rather will be doing eventually. One day is a comforting thought and it weighs less on the present =)
    Whenever I'd ask my dad where we were going when I was younger, he'd always says, "Crazy!" Which was his way of just saying smile and enjoy the ride, we'll get where we're supposed to be. We always ended up somewhere we loved - I hope you end up somewhere you love too. Good luck on your life after graduation!

    Always, Kristen
    @ pleatsandpalmtrees.blogspot.com

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  27. First of all congratulations on figuring out the itch. I really don't think most people take the time to wonder why they feel the way they do. Also congratulations on wanting to be a mom. Babies are cute, kids are fun, and teenagers are interesting. (I have four younger sibs and my husband has three.)Maybe right now can be a good time on it's own. Like being engaged (and I know that lots of people at least lots of the people I know) say they hated being engaged but I didn't. I was really excited to get married and leave behind messy roommates (until I found out I was the messy roommate): but I tried to appreciate being engaged for what it offered and was. A time to prepare for marriage not just plan a one day event. And there were times when I had to be reminded why we couldn't elope but most of the time I read relationship books and thought about the kind of marriage I wanted, what kind of family traditions and culture we would have. So, maybe you could read. This sounds lamer than I thought it would, but to sum up I think you're awesome.

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  28. Oh Sarah, I know exactly how you feel. We had the chance to try for a while. Then times got tough and we had to put it on hold. That has happened two times in the past 2 years. We're on the verge of finding "real life" jobs that hopefully give great insurance so we can start trying again. It's an emotional roller-coaster for sure. More than most people realize.

    BUT, you can do it. Focus on what you have here and now. Spend as much quality time with your husband making timeless memories as a couple that will strengthen your relationship. Make righteous patterns in preparation for times to come. (Believe me, this is easier to say than do...some days will be really hard, but you have many blessings right now! Live them and Love them!) ...and don't be afraid to share your feelings on here...I really loved getting to know YOU ;)

    xoxo, Caley
    caleyparkdesigns.blogspot.com

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  29. Thank you so much for this post. Here I am sobbing from your beautiful words and the connection I feel to them. Like so many other commenters have revealed, many of us go through similar struggles. At least you know you are not alone. But that doesn't soften the ache we feel when reality sets back in. The only one that can do that for you is our Savior.

    Here I am, weeks away from giving birth to my first, and I still am stuck, the details not important. I don't know if the baby's arrival will finally propel me out of my motionless state or not. But I have learned that even in the middle of feeling stuck and not where you want to be, true joy is still possible. I struggle to find it every day, but the days I do find it, I cherish.

    What if you are unable to have children? What if Sir Matt can't find a job after he graduates? I would think those situations would be much more difficult than what you are going through now. Of course I hope these things do not happen to you, and most likely things will work out for you. My point is just that your life could get worse, and if you can master finding joy now, how much better off you will be when you have an even more difficult trial later on, which seems inevitable.

    Thank you for sharing and allowing me to do the same. I wish you the best.

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  30. And I know it seems stupid to say, enjoy this time without the baby responsibility...but I am glad I enjoyed all mine to the fullest. I did as much as I could- travel at last minute, buying stupid things for myself, because now I don't do much else other than the little guy. And I am ok with it because I didn't miss out! When it comes it'll be the just right time.

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  31. The Lord knows when the time will be right,and He will let you & Matt know,whether he is done with school or not. (:

    At least you are married. I want a baby... But I don't even have a boyfriend ): Sad life...

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  32. There will come a day you will be grateful for your childfree life. Relish this time!

    I don't ever want kids and seeing all the headache they can cause, whew, I'm just so glad I'll never be a parent.

    Maybe you can work on a line of baby clothes or something?

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  33. oh my goodness. my heart was literally pounding this entire post and i barely read the whole thing the first time because i was totally expecting you to announce that you're pregnancy. that just tells you what a devoted fan i am, right there. let's just say, when you're ready to have that baby, i'll probably be just as excited as you are. good for you for taking your time and listening to the spirit! you will totally be blessed because heavenly father loves you!

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  34. It was so nice for you to share this. Take life and all its wonderful treasures as they come. Having faith in God includes having faith in God's timing. :)

    <3 The Daily Dani

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  35. It's so fun to think about having a baby. I guess just try to realize that this is the last time it will be just your husband and you. Savor this time. I'm in the same boat so I understand!!

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  36. I'm actually so excited for you!! Your going to be the best mom ever!
    (and can I just say I had a hunch that at the beginning of this post you were going to say you wanted a baby)
    but congratulations also on learning how to be happy and content in the moment, cause that is such a big thing and so hard for most people, so congrats!

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  37. I agree with the other posters that most people never feel completely ready, but it is completely between you and Matt and the Lord, and it's just up to you to listen and follow. You're right; you made a decision and you are listening to the promptings. That's all He asks of us. Your time will come.

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  38. I loved reading this (and all your other posts)! I'm in the same place as you right now. Studying, working, putting my husband through school and always itching for a baby. You are totally right though... let's enjoy the time while we're free women! Let's sleep in... hang out with our men alone in the middle of the day... enjoy going to restaurants and being able to leave the house for more than 2 hours at a time. I've heard these are the things we'll miss most and so I'm trying to cherish them while I can. Keep up the itching and it will be so much better when our time does come!

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  39. Ok, I totally thought you were going to announce that you were pregnant. I got a little excited ha ha. I'm not married but two of my best friends and three of my sisters are and I think the most comforting thing to know is that when the Lord is ready for you to have a baby it will happen. :) I love your outlook on life! You are adorable and will be such a cute mom when the time comes.

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  40. What an honest and open post! Thank you for trusting us as your readers enough to share that with us. I totally understand how you feel. My husband and I were together for 6 years before we moved out of home. It was frustrating but I was at uni and he was an apprentice so we just couldn't afford it. Then I wanted to get married before having kids which pushed us back another 2 years. Now we are newly married (4 months ago) and things feel like they are actually going somewhere. Life can be frustrating at times but truthfully the time flies and before you know it the time you have been waiting for is upon you. Hang in there and try to keep motivated because one day very soon your life will be in the right spot for you to take that next step towards becoming a mum.

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  41. I really don't have any words of wisdom for you as I'm not quite in the same boat. I recently got engaged, and I'm so excited to be married. I completely understand where you're coming from about not feeling financially stable. And though it is actually quite responsible of you, there is also that element of faith that everything will work out in the end. I'm not going to tell you what you should do, but I'm absolutely positive the right decision will be made in the end :)

    PS, I love reading your blog... and strangely enough I knew what this post was about before I read it.

    PPS, You look super cute in the pictures. Did you ombre-ify your hair?

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  42. I think that is so sweet that you want to be a mom so much! I think you are being smart to wait a bit, but just pray for direction from God and I know you'll be guided to do what is best for you and your family and comforted. (By the way, we are Matt and Sarah too) ;)

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  43. Gosh--I feel like you stole the words out of my mouth! Glad I'm not the only one. Thanks for sharing :)

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  44. I haven't read any other comments so maybe someone already mentioned this...
    I've been thinking about making a list of 30 things to do before I turn 30. They'll probably include things like add 10 new recipes (we really like) to our stash, or revamp all the clothes in my to-do bags, or go hike the Y (lived here 8 years and still never done that)
    Anywho... you could make a list of things you want to do before you have children. There are some things I wish I had done before kids just because it would have been easier. Be adventurous with Matt and on your own.

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  45. While it's not a child I'm itching for, I can completely relate to the way you're feeling. I am constantly searching to feel happy in the moment. I've changed careers, changed the type of population I work with, moved, etc...all in attempts to achieve what I think it going to make me happy. It hasn't seemed to happen. I am constantly looking towards what will happen next. Keep us posted on how you are achieving that happiness in the moment...I need all the advice I can get. And thanks for being so open and honest!

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  46. MmmMMMmmm i struggle with the same thing. Always looking forward WAY too much and not just living for the right now.

    Keep your chin up. Focus on your amazing career and job you have!!

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  47. I totally feel where you are coming from. I am going through the same thing (except my husband won't let me get a dog!), but I have a lot of medical things going on that it just isn't possible right now. Sometimes it's hard to wait around on the Lord's timing/ our own timing, but I guess we are supposed to learn patience?

    Good luck with everything! I love reading your blog!

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  48. I totally understand "the itch", unfortunately I'm a bit different, my oldest boy is now 11 going on 25 and I want more babies, but due to my age and health, sadly there won't be any more babies and I just don't want to accept that, and the reason is that my boys are wonderful and I thoroughly enjoy being a mum. My first was a shock honeymoon baby, which we were totally unprepared for, but as soon as he was born, it was the icing on the cake of our happiness. I know that life doesn't always work the way we planned, but you are wise to get school out of the way and have a reasonable finanical position before having your family as they don't come cheap, although a lot of that will be you and Matt not being able to resist all the cute baby stuff. For now, enjoy your fantastic job and your time with Indie and Matt.

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  49. perfect stranger here offering some unsolicited thoughts! I'm a believer that God puts desires in our hearts for a reason ... because He knows best ... His timing is perfect ... while ours rarely is!

    Also .. me and a lot of my friends have made the assumption that we would easily get pregnant right away! Not the case ... a lot of the time!

    Because of the timing of my first pregnancy -- we were able to discover that I had cancer at the optimal time to operate -- not too late! If I had gotten pregnant when I thought the timing was right -- I never would've had a reason to go to the doc ... yaddddda.

    again -- perfect stranger. unsolicited. -- take it with a grain of salt!

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Wish I were brave enough to do so on my blog.

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  50. I just really want to say that this is exactly what I needed to hear today. And it's about little stuff, too, like being happy where you live, and with what you have... baby steps, you know? It's like learning (relevant, ms. fashion blogger) to be happy with the clothes you have... learning to be happy with the life that you're living right now. I'm in the same situation as Kat up ^^^there^^^, my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years this month, and we live with my parents right now. We moved out of state, and lived with his mom for a year and a half! We just want to move out so badly but we simply can't afford it yet. It's hard to learn to live happily with what you've got, and I know I'm not there... but even though it's a completely different situation, it's a life lesson everyone has to go through. That's OK. :) All I want to do is move out and get married and have a good job and everything. I want to grow up, and I'm only 20. I'm trying to learn to be young while I still am. It's hard.

    Just my 2 cents :)
    <3

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  51. I think you are so smart for waiting until you and Matt are READY financially and otherwise. You will be so happy not to struggle through those first few years like I have watched so many other people do. You will be a great mom, someday!

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  52. Gorgeous photos! I love the lighting and colors.
    You have such a cute blog! Seriously love it- new follower :)

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  53. I know that itch. I'm really hoping it goes away before actually having a baby. It makes me not want to move on with anything else in my life. I'm glad you shared. That's something big to share. I'd have been too scared to do it.

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  54. Holy cow I need to follow my blogs more closely! I had no idea...but I understand the feeling. When I was there, because believe me, we all feel that itch for something at some point, I would spoil my niece and nephew. I'm not dropping a hint...haha...but we lived near them and I could. But I also did what you have chosen to do, live in the moment and enjoy it. We couldn't afford a baby when I wanted one, so we waited and I worked alot and went to school but also went on lots of dates with Jake and had a few fun vacations. Those things don't get to happen quiet as often anymore and I'll always cherish that time.

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  55. Have FAITH my friend in your DIVINE NATURE and INDIVIDUAL WORTH. That through your KNOWLEDGE of the gospel of Jesus Christ, the CHOICES that you are ACCOUNTABLE for will be full of GOOD WORKS and INTEGRITY. Your VIRTUE shines through all that you do. If the Lord has placed a righteous desire in your heart to bring about his plan... let Him lead you. If Sir Matt is in school for another 18 months... it takes 9 months to cook a baby. You're halfway there. The money will come and the money will go. Follow your heart not your head. Hope this is helpful and not preachy. <3

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