May 22, 2012

How The Bachelorette Ruined all Things Holy...Even The Muppets




Aaaand round two.
 
1.Chris’ muppet laugh made me want to roll up in a fetal position and cry for my mom, and then slap Harrison for ruining my sacred Muppets.
 
2.What was up with Emily, “Oh I’m so worried about dancing….I’m not much of a dancer.” And then lo and behold her big “dance” turned out to be her standing in one place and popping her knee in and out for 10 minutes straight. Puke.
 
3. Muscle man/date one…I don’t even care if I know his name, because he so won’t be around much longer, but did anyone feel so terrible for him when they baked cookies for the soccer team and then Emily made him wait in the car while Emily delivered the cookies. And he looked like a total creeper peeking out of the car while she delivered the cookies.
 
4. I really like Charlie, I mean he’s not cute at all, but he pretty much broke my heart with his fear of speaking in public. He’s a little puppy….okay a giant puppy that could break me in half with his Schwarzenegger neck…but still a puppy okay.
 
5. Leave it to The Bachelorette to ruin my favorite Muppet Kermit, only they could turn Kermie into a desperate perv.
 
6. Jersey boy once again proved to be entertaining for week two! Thanks for the awkward middle school two step dance Jersey boy. Now will someone please explain to me why he’s STILL HERE!!
 
7. Poor date two guy had spit on his chin for at least fifteen minutes. I COULD.NOT.STOP.STARING.
 
8. I’m just going to put this out there but Emily’s date two dress was TERRIBLE. Her little bedazzles looked like grapes hanging on a vine from her belly button and then continued to linger on to protect her….must I say…. loins??? Perhaps a chastity belt for an overprotective mom?
 
9. That 10 page letter (okay it was actually 7 pages I counted) KILLED ME DEAD! Using “furthermore” in a love letter man…rookie move, it sounded more like a contract to me than a confession of love. Why don’t you just throw in a “heretofore” and an “in addition to” to make you sound real legit and smart saucy man. Also, making that poor guy stand there while she read all.seven.pages. He’s a sauce face. Can we just all agree and de-rose him please?
 
10. In addition to my previous statement I heretofore declare this season of The Bachelorette to be hopeless…and boring. Furthermore, the race car driver is the only one that I think has a flying rats chance. 

10 comments :

  1. Laughing out loud at this for the second week in a row! I was looking for it all morning : )

    3. Yes YES! so do weird that she made him wait in the car. I think it's so weird how she keeps saying I'm not ready for anyone to meet ricki but you can see her creepily from a distance and she can be seen by millions of viewers every Monday. So weird.

    8. YES her dress was terrible! Her Hips looked huge!

    Can't wait for your review next week! : )

    ReplyDelete
  2. Haha thank you for being the one person to not have 100% amorous feelings for the bachelorette! Let me tell you, it is REFRESHING.

    I just found your blog, and I love it. I'm your newest fan and follower!

    Brooke

    liningthecloudswithsilver.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. remember how i am more entertained by your posts about the Bachelorette than i am by the actual show? pure hilarity Sarah dear.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Bachelor, bachelorette is just a bunch of silly junk. It's pure mindless entertainment, and my guilty pleasure. I don't think anybody takes it seriously. I thought the muppets were really cute and funny, though. If the show drives you this crazy, you know you don't HAVE to watch it ;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. That dress at the rose ceremony... oy vey.
    Anything that calls attention to any remaining 'momma belly' is a big NO NO - heck she's like a stick and it still looked like she was 3 months preggo.
    I'm trying to think back on Ashley's season..I think she got a better crop of dudes. So sad.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Normz don't misunderstand. I LOVE watching the Bachelorette, it's just that I love to hate it too. It's like those blogs that you secretly despise because their absolutely ridiculous in their perfection...but you read anyways because it's just so entertaining!

    ReplyDelete
  7. You are so funny. This is a great round up. And I so agree with Jersey boy. She should keep him for entertainment purposes.
    Seattle Fashion and Beauty Blog

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hahahha. Keep your recaps coming. Please. I'm loling. Also, check out this blog: http://lostangelesblog.wordpress.com - a (hilariously mean and funny) married man's recaps. It's great!

    ReplyDelete
  9. hahaha, seriously, you crack me up girl! but really, why is jersey boy stil around?!? he disturbs me beyond belief! and honestly i didn't even know who charlie was the first night, but after his little fear, he crept into my heart! adore!
    xo TJ

    ReplyDelete
  10. Jersey boy just reminds me of the Grinch. It's his hair and face.

    ReplyDelete