Jul 23, 2012

Wal-Mart and Butt Cracks


jeans: F21  blouse: c/o OASAP (buy it here)  bag: thrifted

So yesterday I was at Wal-Mart, and here’s the thing about Wal-Mart, I avoid it at all costs. I’m talking I will resort to using my dog’s shampoo and I will start using paper towels as Kleenex’s as long as it delays my trip to Wal-Mart. Because the thing about Wal-Mart is that inevitably you will a) see someone’s butt crack  b) wander the aisles aimlessly wondering what you even needed in the first place c) buy mounds of processed junk food that you KNOW you don’t need d) have an old man hit on you e) almost get run over by an electric cart riding aggressive shopper  f)spend a minimum of thirty minutes in the checkout line or g)all of the above.

So yes, I avoid Wal-Mart like the plague.

Where was I? Oh yes, so I’m at Walmart, and I’m trying to find sandwhich bags. And as I was contemplating zip lock, equate or tweezing my arm hairs one by one until I cried like a fetus, and I noticed a man in some serious daisy dukes, I’m talking the pockets hanging out of the shorts and everything, and I’m thinking dangit, if he reaches for the top shelf, option “a)see someone’s butt crack” can definitely be checked off. So I grab equate, because who am I kidding, I’m cheap and I turn to Matt and say, “Do we have everything we need?” and Mr. Daisy dukes pipes in and says, “You have everything I need….” And I’m thinking crap I knew I should have let my dad buy me a pepper spray key chain for Christmas. So I say to him “Ha.” The kind that says, I’ll entertain your terrible sense of humor but I don’t think it’s funny, and then I turn to leave. Of course Daisy Dukes pipes in again, “No but really, you have everything I need, you took my cart.” I looked down at the cart and of course there were zip locks, a pair of camo shorts and some jelly belly’s…..NOT MINE!!

He laughed a creepy laugh, like Julia Roberts if she were a dude wearing daisy dukes, clapped his hands together and I let go of the cart, put my head down and as I power walked it out of there said, “SORRRRRRYYY!”

So now I have one more reason to avoid Wal-Mart h) I might run into a man wearing daisy dukes and remember that I once saw his butt crack and then tried to steal his cart.

Moral of the story? Target or die!!!! 

21 comments :

  1. Okay, I know it probably wasn't funny to you at the time, but trust me, when you remember this in a few months, it'll be HILARIOUS! Thatnks for sharing :)

    Oh, and I'd love to invite you to check out my 150 follower giveawayhere

    <3Hima

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  2. i love this post because it is completely true. it never fails to one or all of these things happens while in wal-mart. i avoid it as well. i'd much rather pay a little more some place else, then put myself in the above situation. =)

    Kristen

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  3. I too avoid wal-mart like the plague...;)
    That shirt is to die for. Looking beautiful my friend!

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  4. Seriously girl! The whole time I was reading this I just kept thinking, "Why doesn't she just go to Target?"

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  5. I honestly can't say what i love more, your outfits or your written recaps. you tell hilarious stories. i, too, avoid walmart at all costs and pretty much loathe the place (target over walmart any day of the week).

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  6. You look amazing! As usual :-)))
    The jeans, what colour are they, mustard? Are they the rustic skinny jeans? :-)))
    Regards from Belgium!

    xx

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  7. oh my GOSH! i'm dying. seriously. dead.

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  8. lol too funny! i avoid walmart as well! target for life!

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  9. hahaha OMG, you are seriously too funny. for some reason i'm totally envisioning Tobias from Arrested Development in his daisy duke short shorts. yep, definitely go with target on that one!
    xo TJ

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  10. HAHAHAHA. I just love that story! All your stories are just so hilarious.

    Plus, I really love that top. So cute. :)

    xoxo,
    Laura
    http://lauraisthriftingthroughlife.blogspot.com/

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  11. Oh my, this made me laugh. This is absolutely something I would do myself...too funny! I'm sure Matt thought this was equally hilarious!

    Lindsay @
    LindsayJEveryday.blogspot.com

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  12. PS-
    You have officially made me realize I need some mustard colored jeans in my life. Love them!

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  13. Hahaha thank goodness these things happen to you though, because they seriously make me smile hearing about them ;)

    Life Etc

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  14. bahaaha. best. title. post. ever. thanks for the laugh girl!

    xo.
    raechel
    http://livingthefancylife.blogspot.com/

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  15. oh goooodness ! thishas been one of my favorite posts! you crack me up.... no pun intended ..... Walmart is always messy too!! i feel like i have to take a shower after shopping their!

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  16. Girl you're too dang funny! i totally agree though. We always find ourselves grocery shopping at wal-mart late at night AND that's when the fun begins at wal-mart ha ha In another note you're just looking as cute as ever. I love your hair color :)

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  17. I love the color of those pants!



    followme@ www.studentswife.com

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  18. OMG that was hilarious! Geesh you're funny

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  19. You have the best stories ever! And I totally agree, I am a Target girl myself! I stopped going to Walmart after I took a trip to a SuperWalmart and saw a toddler running around barefoot in the produce section. Sheesh.

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  20. Ugh!! Why does Walmart have to be so dang cheap and convenient, though?!?! Really?!?!? I absolutely LOVE Target but I'm too lazy to drive all the way out there...and by all the way out there I mean like 10 miles away as apposed to the 3 Walmarts I would pass on my way to said Target. First world problems...

    Los Schoenys Blog

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  21. Oooh, the joys of walmart! haha. Awesome story. Love the outfit too!
    ~Mel

    Oh, My

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